We were at an event recently where we didn’t know a lot of the attendants. The event was mainly tailored to encourage networking amongst the groups, and although I spoke to many new people and even made some new friends, I feel like I could have been more engaging.
I consider myself a pretty open and social person, but recently, as I watch myself more and more, I see that I’m still uncomfortable in large groups of unfamiliar faces.
For example, there have been times, where I’m sitting at a table of eight or ten people, and I will engage with the people sitting next to me and the people that make direct eye contact with me. I have no problem approaching anyone who makes eye contact. But some people are in the vicinity and they’re talking to the same people I’m talking to, but don’t make eye contact and send out a closed-off vibe. Those people are hard to approach, this is a lost opportunity.
In these situations, when the person is not making eye contact, we may began to write a story in our heads that ‘this person is ignoring me’ and ‘they do not want to socialize with me’; so we leave them alone. The internal dialogue may continue with anxious questions about why this person doesn’t want to look at me, acknowledge me, or talk to me.
Approaching someone new is brave. It doesn’t matter the event or person, stepping in front of a stranger and starting a conversation is a sign of vulnerability and at the same time, an indication of comfort and confidence.
Whether it’s a first-time interaction or with a long-time friend, eye contact is extremely powerful.
Body language is another way to initiate conversation and at times, speaks louder than any surface-level exchange of words.
Eye contact and body language are loud indicators of whether or not you are open to being approached by a stranger. Women are generally more tuned in to these signs. We are purposely designed with a heightened sensitivity to pick up on these signals and learn to trust our instincts and remove ourselves from dangerous situations.
The point here is that although the person initiating the conversation is brave, the counterpart in a circle must be just as courageous by putting out the right signals to encourage new conversations. Avoiding certain people and only engaging with people you are comfortable with is limiting to your network and personal growth.
Behavioral investigator and author Vanessa Van Edwards talks about how to be more attractive on her site Science of People. And attraction isn’t only about your looks.
“Attraction is about being available and drawing the right people, ideas, and opportunities to you. Attraction is when we are interested, intrigued, or feel the urge to gravitate toward something or someone. When we feel attraction, we want to know more. We want to be around someone more. Attraction makes us feel engaged and alive.”
If you’re interested in broadening your networking skills or want to step out of your conversation comfort zone, I would recommend reading her post here.
She talks about how to be more vulnerable, how to read body language and pick up on the subtle clues when someone wants to engage with you. I think it’s utterly fascinating.
We’re putting out vibes at all times, and it’s good to be aware of our signals. The energy you’re putting out is what others pick up on and what you attract.